HEALING HEARTS

Grief is a nearly universal experience, but it is one that people face in vastly different ways. While many of us know how it feels to lose a loved one, we may not always know what to say or do to help someone else cope with grief. If a loved one of yours has lost someone close to them, your support can be meaningful and potentially make a significant difference in their ability to process their feelings, get things done, and heal. If you’re looking for ways to help a grieving loved one, there are several tips to keep in mind.

TAKE ON TASKS
Whether the loss is sudden or expected, the bereaved find themselves immediately inundated with new and mounting responsibilities. Helping to ease that burden can be invaluable. Don’t wait for them to ask. Instead, offer to help by bringing over dinner, picking up groceries, or cleaning their kitchen. You can also help them with funeral plans if that’s still undecided, or make phone calls that seem overwhelming. Your loved one likely won’t be able to think of anything other than what they have lost, so this type of practical help is necessary.

REACH OUT REGULARLY
The period following a significant loss can be difficult. When someone is coping with the loss of a loved one, regularly making yourself available to them can help them feel cared for and supported. Consider reaching out with a phone call, email, or quick text. Your message can be simple, such as ‘Thinking of you. I’m planning to give you a call this evening if you’re available?’ You can also make yourself available in person. Your presence may be both meaningful and helpful as the person copes with grief, allowing you to provide them with emotional support.

Whether the loss is sudden or expected, the bereaved find themselves immediately inundated with new and mounting responsibilities. Helping to ease that burden can be invaluable


LISTEN MORE THAN YOU TALK

Initially, the bereaved may respond to their loss by not wanting to open up at all. Let them know that you are ready to listen whenever they are ready to talk. When that moment comes, they may need to express the same emotions or memories repeatedly. This is a normal and beneficial part of the grieving process. If they want to cry, discuss the cause of death, or reminisce about their loved one, allow them to do so as many times as they would like without trying to solve their problems or give advice. Simply sitting with those who are grieving and allowing them to mourn is helpful.

CHOOSE YOUR WORDS CAREFULLY
Be mindful and avoid minimising the loss or encouraging a quick recovery. Never suggest that you know how the griever feels, even if you have experienced a similar type of loss; you cannot fully comprehend the depth of their grief. Avoid self-focused phrases like ‘I could never handle what you are going through.’ Instead, offer a simple and thoughtful expression such as ‘I can’t imagine what you’re experiencing, but I will always be here to provide support and listen.’ Furthermore, if you promise something to the bereaved, make sure to follow through on it.

The bereaved may feel forgotten at certain moments. While everyone else goes back to their normal lives, those who have experienced loss know that their lives will never be the same again


UNDERSTAND THAT GRIEF HAS NO END DATE

Your loved one will eventually stop crying everyday. Their routines will return to normal. They will laugh again. It will become easier. However, grief never truly ends. It is important to come to terms with this and recognise that there is often a lot more going on beneath the surface.  The bereaved may feel forgotten at certain moments. While everyone else goes back to their normal lives, those who have experienced loss know that their lives will never be the same again. The internal struggles of grief, such as guilt, feeling empty, or feeling that a part of the person is missing, are difficult to observe. All you can do as your loved one sorts through their grief is continue to support them. Anniversaries, birthdays, and holidays will be heartbreaking. However, trust that you can offer support to help them navigate through those difficult times. If weeks or months have passed and they still are not able to function properly, gently bring up the benefit of seeking outside help. If, for example, they are missing work or experiencing symptoms of depression, it is important for them to consider reaching out to a therapist who can offer support and advice on how to cope.

Remember, helping someone who is grieving is not about fixing their pain or making everything better. It’s about being there for them, providing comfort, and letting them know they are not alone in their journey.