A CONVERSATION WITH NOTABLE ACTOR, DILARA ZAMAN, AND HER DAUGHTER ZUBAIRA ZAMAN, ABOUT THEIR LIFE AS WORKING WOMEN
DESPITE HAVING SETTLED IN THE US AT ONE POINT IN YOUR LIFE, YOU DECIDED TO COME BACK AND CONTINUE LIVING IN BANGLADESH. WHAT DID YOU MISS MOST ABOUT BANGLADESH?
Dilara Zaman: My daughters both live abroad, and for a long time, they insisted I do the same. They were worried whether I would be able to take care of myself, now that I am at the later stage of my life. Every night, I would talk to my daughters and every now and then, they would bring up the topic of me settling in the U.S. I eventually agreed, but to be honest, I was always sceptical about moving to the country. Everything was unknown and unfamiliar to me there. Conversely, in Bangladesh, even if I go out for a walk, a rickshaw-puller would gently wave and ask how I am doing, or somebody would excitedly recite one of my dialogues from an episode they watched the night before. This is such a wholesome experience, that I really missed it when I was in the U.S.
So much of my life is rooted in Bangladesh. This is where I have built my own identity. I have been blessed to be recognised for my work, and have been awarded the Ekushey Padak in 1993, and the Bangladesh National Film Award in 2008. These recognitions assure me that what I have been doing is bringing people some joy and entertainment in their lives. I dearly missed my country, my peers, and my simple life when I was living abroad, and eventually, in 2016, decided I would move back to Bangladesh for good.
WHEN YOU STEPPED INTO THE INDUSTRY, OUR SOCIETY WAS VERY CLOSE MINDED ABOUT WORKING WOMEN. IN YOUR 56 YEARS IN THIS PROFESSION,HOW MUCH HAS CHANGED, AND HOW FAR DO WE HAVE TO GO?
Dilara Zaman: For a woman to professionally work in this industry has always been negatively perceived in our society. But I am very grateful to my family for their support. From the very beginning, they have had to endure comments and criticisms from people, and have had to make many sacrifices for me along the way. When I started acting, people would blatantly comment, “No well-educated man will respect and marry this girl.” But my parents, especially my mother, was very open minded and culturally insightful, and was unfazed.
I started theatre in 1962. I was under the tutelage of the great Natya Guru, Nurul Momen. So, from a very young age, I have been drawn to this profession. Later, when I did get married, my husband Fakhruzzaman Chowdhury, who was a laureate and was awarded the Bangla Academy Literary Award for his contributions, relentlessly supported me throughout my career. Oftentimes, my shoot would start at 10 pm and end at 3 in the morning. When I would come home, my husband would still be awake for me, despite having office in the morning. My daughters have also supported me throughout the time. Call it sympathy or apathy, they understood, from a very young age, that their mother has to work hours into the night, and leave early in the morning. I am so grateful for their encouragement and sacrifice.
But not all women have had this privilege. Even now, there are so many girls who are working late and they need to stay at hostels. Their landlords might close the gate, leaving them with no place to sleep that night. I have always tried to provide as much as possible to these girls who need to work through the night. I talk to their parents, or their husbands and assure them that if it gets too late, they will stay at my home and I will take care of them. So, while we have made a lot of progress as a nation, there are still so many girls who are not able to ensure their safety because of the way the system works.
YOU ARE AN ICONIC ACTRESS, EDUCATOR, AND WRITER. DRAWING FROM YOUR EXPERIENCE ACROSS THESE FIELDS, WHAT ADVICE WOULD YOU HAVE FOR WOMEN TO INSPIRE THEM TO PURSUE THEIR DREAMS?
Dilara Zaman: I will say to them, never fret that you may not be good enough for something you aspire to do. I’m not talking about working in the media only. Begum Rokeya, who has paved the path for women’s education in this country, has taught us that we all have to fight in our lives to earn what we desire.
From my own experience, I have dedicated my life to this craft. I believe it is important to respect what you are doing. I tell all young women to be sincere. The work that they are doing must be their own work. It must be conducted with dignity, honesty, and they must be ethical. Some might consider work as just a way of earning a payment. But this is not fair. There is so much that goes behind building a platform to support your career. Universities, institutions and organisations are putting so much effort to let you develop yourself in your field. With a lacklustre effort, you might get ahead in your career for a while, but all of a sudden, you might face a downfall. Never let that happen to you.
AS A WORKING WOMAN WITH A FAMILY OF YOUR OWN, AND HAVING FAMILY BOTH HERE IN BANGLADESH, AND IN THE US, HOW ARE YOU ABLE TO MANAGE WORK-LIFE BALANCE?
Zubaira Zaman: I have been living in Oklahoma for 22 years now and for the past 12 years, I have been working in the mortgage industry. When I had my children, I took 2 years off from work to make time for them and manage the household. As a working woman, I deeply appreciated the struggles of stay-at-home mothers. Oftentimes, stay-at-home mothers do not get recognised for the monumental amount of work they have to do to manage a household. They give up everything for their family, and do not get the time to look after themselves.
I TELL ALL YOUNG WOMEN TO BE SINCERE. THE WORK THAT THEY ARE DOING MUST BE THEIR OWN WORK. IT MUST BE CONDUCTED WITH DIGNITY, HONESTY, AND THEY MUST BE ETHICAL.
I am a working woman by nature. That is a big part of my identity. So, when I took time off from work, I kept asking myself, “What is my identity?” In this regard, I think it is very important for everyone in the family to recognise this as well. My daughters and my husband realise, respect and value my identity, and they are part of the reason I was able to go back to pursue my career. They also understand that I have to visit Bangladesh to make time for my mother. Finding the balance between work and family is a very difficult feat to achieve. But it can be done when everyone else involved is supportive and understanding.
YOUR DAUGHTERS ARE GROWING UP TO BE JUST AS INDEPENDENT AS YOU ARE. HOW MUCH OF THAT WOULD YOU ATTRIBUTE TO THE WAY YOU HAVE BEEN BROUGHT UP – AS THE DAUGHTER OF A WORKING MOTHER?
Zubaira Zaman: My daughters understand that their grandmother is like the Audrey Hepburn of Bangladesh. I tell them that I have always had the platform to follow my mother’s footsteps, which would have been an easy step for me. But I chose to have my own identity. When I moved to the US, nobody knew who my parents were. I worked 2 jobs to pay my bills, I worked in the service industry as cashiers and clerks; never have I allowed myself to think that everything will be handed to me. I had to earn it for myself.
I have a very close relationship with my mother that no one else can understand. My father, before he passed away, asked me to take care of her when he was gone. I wanted his soul to rest in peace and had everything set up for her to permanently settle here with me. Even after the green card was finalised, my mother decided to move back to Bangladesh in 2016. While at first, it felt like I had failed my father, I fully understand her choice and respect it, because growing up, I have always seen her as a self-sufficient and capable woman.
YOU HAVE TO MAKE IT YOURSELF, AND YOU HAVE TO LET THE WORLD KNOW THAT YOUR ACHIEVEMENTS ARE THE FRUITS OF YOUR OWN LABOUR.
I am now passing that on to my daughters. I always advise them that nobody is going to give them a free pass. I tell them, “You have to make it yourself, and you have to let the world know that your achievements are the fruits of your own labour.” They will always have their parents’ support, just like I did from mine. Parents have a significant role to play to ensure their daughters are able to find an identity at a young age. In this regard, a husband and a wife should share equal responsibility of the household. With international women’s day coming up, it is an important time to remind women that they need not cave into the pressure put on them by our society – that they must always be present in the household and sacrifice their own identity. Instead, we need to focus on the fact that when a woman is strong, she will bring up even stronger daughters.