As a tarot reader and astrologer, the most frequent query I receive is “when will I find love?” Initially daunting, this question often triggers intense reactions. Many clients harbour ingrained, detrimental love beliefs rooted in generational family traumas. Undoing and relearning these patterns, embracing a more conscious and accepting approach to love, proves challenging. For many, loving without controlling, manipulating, or abusing feels alien – a reflection of childhood relationship dynamics influencing our subconscious attraction and lived experiences.
Valentine’s Day, with its commercialised portrayal of love, can trigger mental health issues like depression. Excessive displays of love on social media may evoke resentment and jealousy. Even in relationships, it can bring up insecurities about romance and beauty, leading some to feel pressured to overspend to express love.
Instead of relying on fate, let’s take control of our lives and reflect on opening up to love. The advice below draws from personal experience, others’ insights, and lessons from tarot and astrology. It applies to anyone seeking to embrace love, regardless of their relationship status.
WE MUST ADDRESS OUR INNER CHILD’S WOUNDS, AS WE ALL POSSESS THEM, IMPACTING EACH OF US UNIQUELY. SOME OF US MAY EXHIBIT EXTREME CODEPENDENCY, DETERMINED TO SALVAGE RELATIONSHIPS REGARDLESS OF TOXICITY.
Grasp the Meaning of Love
To invite love into our lives, we must grasp its true essence. Love is a pervasive force, present in every aspect of our existence. It transcends visibility, emanating as a divine and indescribable frequency. Relationship status doesn’t dictate our connection to love; it resonates in music, food, clothing, and life’s pleasures.
Let Go of Fears
Understanding that love can’t be controlled, we have to align ourselves with that energy, letting go of limiting fears and beliefs about being unlovable. Taking chances and forgiving ourselves when things don’t work out are important.
Decide If You Are Ready for Love
After releasing fear, we have to reflect on our readiness for love. Despite secretly craving it, we might shut off love or intimacy externally due to a full life or a wounded inner child scared of abandonment. If not ready, love won’t come to us now.
Heal Your Inner Child’s Wounds
We must address our inner child’s wounds, as we all possess them, impacting each of us uniquely. Some of us may exhibit extreme codependency, determined to salvage relationships regardless of toxicity. Others may grapple with jealousy, insecurity, obsession, or control in relationships. Examining family patterns allows us to identify areas for healing and unlearn detrimental behaviours from our parents’ relationships.
Love Yourself
Embracing self-love starts with recognising our inner child’s need for love, elevating our personal standards. No longer do we seek external validation at the cost of self-abandonment; instead, we should establish boundaries, even for ourselves.
Integrate the Shadow
To embrace love fully, we need to integrate the shadow by understanding how our inner child’s dynamics influence our lives. The healed inner child is curious, playful, vulnerable, craves connection, and expresses emotions openly. The wounded inner child withdraws, exhibits self-defeating behaviours, may be impulsive and angry, hindering inner growth. Honesty about our behaviours is crucial for meaningful change.
Know the Red Flags
Recognising the shadow within helps us identify it in others, guiding us in setting boundaries and recognising the red flags, including our own. Being authentic becomes natural, free from the need to please or conform.
Be Authentic
Honesty fosters vulnerability, enabling genuine authenticity without pretences. This builds trust and mutual respect, allowing us to approach relationships with openness and understanding, free from the judgement that hinders love.
Let Go of Expectations
Carrying our own expectations, be it for the ideal partner or relationship, can lead to mismatch with reality. Letting go of harsh judgments and acknowledging our flaws make us embrace our shared humanity.
Surrender
To open up to love, we have to cease the chase and surrender. We have to cultivate self-acceptance, acknowledge our current life phase, and extend the same acceptance to others as well. Our past failures offer valuable lessons; resisting them prevents breaking the pattern.
When my clients inquire about finding love, I strive to respond with utmost honesty. I explore their readiness and patterns through the reading, consulting the stars to determine if the prevailing energies support love, ultimately uncovering the answer.
Illustration: Jason Dhali