Looking into the male mind to understand how men communicate
Communication is the foundation of any healthy relationship, a mix of words and emotions leading to an everlasting connection between two partners. It is the lifeblood of understanding, trust, and intimacy, laying the groundwork for a fruitful partnership. Couples have the ability to cultivate, grow, and learn from each other within this symphony of communication, forging a bond that will stand the test of time. However, throughout history, a narrative emerges that men have encountered numerous challenges in achieving communication with their partners.
According to psychiatrist M. Zakiul Abrar, men and women are wired differently and often react to incidents in a different manner. This shows that men are more likely to respond to negative events with analytic reasoning, whereas women are more likely to gain an in-depth understanding of the emotions generated by the experience. As Dr. Abrar explains, “Men’s brain functions like taking a photo with a fast shutter speed, and women’s, like a long exposure shot, for a rough analogy.”
Toxic masculinity is commonly blamed as the root cause of men’s mental health issues. Although it can be both, toxic masculinity is more of an effect of men’s mental health issues than a cause. Toxic masculinity can be better defined as a toxic application of a masculine characteristic.
Men tend to be more dismissive towards emotions than women which makes it difficult for them to open up to their partners about situations or experiences they go through. Insights from Dr. Abrar indicate that a few factors that affect this include:
Traditional Gender Norms
From a young age boys and girls are often expected to behave differently. Terms such as ‘stop crying like a girl’ or ‘be a man’ have often discouraged boys from expressing vulnerability, sensitivity or emotional needs as these are made to be signs of weakness. Instead, they are encouraged to display their self-reliance or strength. On the other hand, girls are often encouraged to express their emotions without being deemed as weak.
MBBS, FCPS-I (Psychiatry)
Accredited Cognitive Behaviour Therapist & Crisis Intervention Instructor
“Men statistically excel in assertive communication, stress resilience, and self-regard, while women tend to score higher in emotional awareness, interpersonal skills, and social responsibility. If men and women don’t learn each other’s virtues, men’s Emotional Quotient (EQ) skills may lead to isolation, while women become more socially interconnected, resembling a hive mind or networked intelligence.”
Fear of Judgement and Rejection
Men may be afraid of being rejected or judged if they express their true feelings or concerns to their partners. Past experiences, societal expectations, or personal insecurities can all contribute to this fear. As a result, some men may choose to remain silent or suppress their emotions, thereby inadvertently creating communication barriers within the relationship. On the other hand, women tend to be the ones to take the first step towards getting professional help when it comes to their relationships or marriages, while men reject the idea most of the time.
Fear of Vulnerability and Loss of Control
For most men, being vulnerable in a relationship may feel like giving up control, which can be unsettling. Vulnerability demands a level of trust and surrender that some men may find difficult to accept due to fear of being hurt or taken advantage of. This nowadays may also be attributed to toxic masculinity traits which have been instilled into them over the years. As a result, they may withdraw emotionally, preventing open communication with their partners.
Different communication styles
Men and women may have different communication styles, which can lead to misunderstandings and frustration in relationships. Men, for example, maybe more focused on problem-solving and providing solutions, whereas women may seek empathy and emotional validation. These opposing styles can sometimes clash, making it difficult for men to connect emotionally with their partners.
Socialisation, fear, communication styles, cultural norms, and historical expectations all play a role in some men’s difficulty communicating within relationships. It is critical to recognise that these difficulties are not inherent in men and are frequently shaped by external factors. Couples can create a space that supports open, honest, and empathetic communication by acknowledging these influences.
Encouraging emotional vulnerability, promoting active listening, and nurturing trust are essential steps in breaking down communication barriers. Couples can overcome these obstacles with understanding and support, resulting in stronger emotional bonds and healthier relationships. Allowing men to express themselves authentically will not only benefit their individual well-being but will also lay the groundwork for long-lasting and fulfilling relationships.