Heed these telltale, explicit signs to identify toxic friendships.
“Friendship is born at the moment when one man says to another, ‘What! You too? I thought that no one but myself”- C.S. Lewis. As social beings, we heavily depend on our daily connections with the people around us, who, over time, become a part of our lives, and hence we end up being friends. Having meaningful social interactions can even lengthen your lifespan and lower the risk of mental and physical health concerns, including depression and high blood pressure. But how do I recognise toxic friendships? Let’s Explore a few compelling signs that can help you identify if you are in a toxic friendship and why it is essential to address these unhealthy dynamics.
Me, Myself and I
Have you ever experienced a friendship where one person does most of the talking? Friendship is a two-way street, characterised by mutual support, care, and reciprocity, and should not just revolve around one person. According to Dr Ginger Carlson, a clinical psychologist at Phoenix Children’s, a healthy friendship is about providing social support, being mutually beneficial, feeling great, receiving care, and experiencing joy when spending time with that person. Self-absorbed friends tend to dominate conversations, steering them toward themselves and their experiences. They often interrupt or redirect discussions back to their interests, achievements, or problems, showing little genuine interest in what others say. Additionally, they tend to dismiss or minimise your feelings, fail to offer support during challenging times or show little concern for your well-being. They may go to great lengths to be the centre of attention in social situations, interrupting or overshadowing others.
Bad Days vs. Bad Attitude
A toxic friend’s feelings may run hot and cold, with confusing mixed vibes. When confronted, emotionally volatile individuals often attribute their negative actions to external circumstances, portraying themselves as victims. They may seek sympathy or, even worse, attempt to make you feel responsible for their mistakes and unpleasant conduct. A friend going through a rough day may exhibit temporary irritability or withdrawal, but they usually express remorse and make amends when things calm down. On the contrary, toxic friends consistently display a recurring pattern that doesn’t fade away. They often lack genuine remorse or motivation to change, even when they become aware of their negative impact on you.
Unsolicited Fixes
In most cases, a toxic friendship “emotionally harms you, rather than helping you,” says clinical psychologist Andrea Bonior, PhD, author of The Friendship Fix: The Complete Guide to Choosing, Losing, and Keeping Up With Your Friends. Each of you uniquely blends quirks, charms, and extraordinary individuality. Instead of appreciating your distinct persona, these misguided souls attempt to mould you into their preconceived notions of what you should be. They will eagerly unleash their unsolicited advice, insisting they know what’s best for you. You will notice that they will pounce at any opportunity to criticise your social skills, pointing out every awkward interaction like they’re seasoned social gurus. Suddenly, your perfectly delightful introversion becomes a flaw in their eyes, and they won’t rest until they’ve ‘fixed’ it.
Recognise toxic competition, set boundaries, and prioritise mental health. Choose relationships that uplift and celebrate, fostering a healthier and more fulfilling dynamic.
Battleground of Comparison
A little rivalry can spice things up between friends, but keeping it healthy and whole is the key to growth. Sure, it’s natural to compare notes when you and your friend are in the same field or going through similar life stages, like having kids simultaneously. Toxic friends take the competition to unhealthy levels, breeding jealousy, sabotage, and constant comparison. They struggle to celebrate others’ successes, feeling threatened instead of genuinely. Every interaction becomes a battleground, with a relentless need to one-up friends. Achievements become a measure of self-worth, creating a toxic cycle of resentment. Vulnerabilities are exploited to maintain dominance, leaving friends feeling inadequate. This unhealthy competition erodes trust, breeds resentment, and damages well-being. Surrounding oneself with supportive friends who inspire growth is vital. Recognise toxic competition, set boundaries, and prioritise mental health. Choose relationships that uplift and celebrate, fostering a healthier and more fulfilling dynamic.
Betrayal’s Broken Bonds
Woodrow Wilson, a leader of the Progressive Movement in the early 1900s, stated, “Friendship is the only cement that will ever hold the world together.” Trust is like the magic glue that holds relationships together. Still, if your friend acts flaky and changes their colours conveniently like a chameleon, you may sense a toxic cloud looming over them or the friendship itself, and that’s why trust takes a nosedive. In a true sense, we all deserve a friend you can confide in, someone who won’t stab you in the back or spill your deepest secrets, unlike a trustworthy confidante. Trustworthy friends create a safe space where you can share your innermost thoughts without fear of judgement or betrayal.
Caught in the Manipulation Maze
Picture this- you’re happily going about your day when, suddenly, your toxic friend unleashes guilt-tripping, emotional blackmail, and gaslighting on you. They’ve likely attended a seminar called ‘How to Turn Friendships into Emotional Roller Coasters.’ Gaslighting, in particular, is their favourite act. They’ll make you question your own sanity, and you’ll be left wondering, doubting your perceptions and well-perceived realities. They’ll scoff at your emotions, making you feel like a hypersensitive and irrational alien from another planet. Even if you summon the courage to communicate with them and share your feelings, they vanish into thin air and ghost-like a toxic partner you did not wish for!
Think Again
If you experience any of these traits, however subtle or acute they may be, it’s time to break free from the clutches of these toxic acquaintances for your mental peace and overall well-being! Surround yourself with friends who lift you, support you like the robust and fabulous human you are, and bring more sunshine than a summer’s day. Reclaim your self-confidence, embrace your worth, and leave the nail-biting negativity in the rearview mirror where it belongs.