Azmeri Haque Badhon had all the critics raving about her powerful performance after the screening of Rehana Maryam Noor at the 74th Cannes Film Festival. In a candid conversation with ICE Today, the talented actress shared the experience of her claim to international fame!
Although you graduated from Bangladesh Dental College, you pursued a career in media – were you always passionate about acting?
I grew up in a very conservative family, so to be honest I never really thought of acting as a career option. Because I was always a good student, when the time came I enrolled in medical school. However, after a while I took a break from my studies because I was going through a difficult period in my life. I began battling chronic depression and eventually became quite suicidal. In that haze, I cooked up a strange ambition – that I had to meet Humayan Ahmed.
In my mind I felt that the only way I could be liberated was by telling him my story, then dying. So when, in 2006 they were looking for an actress to act in DaruChini Dwip, a film based on Humayan Sir’s novel, I decided to participate in the Lux Channel I Superstar – not because I wanted to win the title, but more because I wanted to gain recognition in order to accomplish my goal of meeting Humayan Ahmed. Nevertheless, the experience I had there was like a rebirth for me. Despite a lot of negativity surrounding my participation and my difficult situation at the time, Unilever, Asiatic and the others involved with the contest stood by me.
They showed me so much love and support when they could have easily dropped me to avoid the hassle. Instead they continued to stand by me throughout the issues and I actually ended up winning the third place in Lux Channel I Superstar 2006. And guess what – after that I did get a chance to meet and work with Humayan Sir!
I used the money I won at the pageant to pay the rest of my college fees and complete my education. Alongside medical school, I had the fortune of working with Sir for almost two and a half years. However, I couldn’t really pursue acting gigs much because the pressure of studying dentistry was intense.
And as I said before, I never really thought acting was a viable profession for me. All my life I’ve been told that careers in media aren’t respectful, that ‘good’ girls don’t belong there; so to answer your original question, no, I didn’t even think of it as a profession or art, I considered it to be something I did on the side, doing it just for the sake of doing; something I would eventually stop when I focused on my ‘actual’ career.
Due to the stigma surrounding media work constantly clouding my thoughts, I never really got the chance to examine how I was passionate about my work or whether it fulfilled me.
Given that you are now an actress who receives standing ovations for her performance, what would you say was the turning point?
It was actually the role of Rehana Maryam Noor itself that really made me embrace my passion and ability properly. My therapist had once asked me whether I liked my job. When I couldn’t answer her, she told me that “when one does a job that one doesn’t like, it strains them even more.” Which is why it’s important for someone like me to like the work I do. And that’s exactly what RMN gave me the opportunity to do – to fully immerse myself into the process of acting, only for the sake of the art and not any external purpose or goal.
The people I got to work with for this production also helped bring that change in my perception. I was so inspired by their dedication towards their work. They are so minimalist and content with whatever they get. The director, Abdullah Mohammad Saad, is such a talented person yet he is so simple and unassuming. Nothing matters to him more than his artform, let alone the thought of making tons of money. All the producers and the crew were such down to earth people that it was a very humbling experience to work with them.
There is a certain purity in them that made me feel so comfortable and good that I poured my heart into the job. It was their creative outlook and the opportunity to work in RMN that taught me to respect my own profession and own my identity as an actress. Working with such a team has truly been one of the most beautiful experiences of my life.
On that note, what was it like to play a complex character like Rehana?
Honestly, I am not that good of an actor. I haven’t even been trained formally – I never learned dancing, singing, or acting, so I actually had no idea how to approach a character. It was Saad, our director who is responsible for drawing Rehana out of me. He also knew exactly what he wanted from me – there was no confusion in him regarding what he wanted to portray.
Saad really is a brilliant director; he understands what his cast and crew needs from him and delivers it precisely at the right time. Whenever I was in doubt of my abilities and just flat out thought that I couldn’t do what was being asked of me, he encouraged me and patiently said, “You can, I know you can. If you can’t do it, no one can.” Saad knew exactly what he wanted to show on screen, so he guided me really well. He spent a lot of time asking me questions about myself, similarities I might have with Rehana or the hardships I faced in life; he would question me about my experiences and ask about how I relate to certain circumstances.
What he was doing from the very beginning was helping me learn method acting – on my own! I had absolutely no clue regarding what the process entailed so when I realised that was what Saad wanted me to do, I researched on it a bit and watched some interviews and tutorials to get a better understanding of it. As homework, I began watching movies with strong female protagonists – Saad would recommend ones he thought would be useful for me and later we would have discussions about it, dissecting the details and analysing the nuances of acting.
What do you think was the most challenging aspect of playing Rehana? Can Badhon relate to Rehana – be it as a woman, a single mother or a professional?
To begin with, Rehana is nothing like me. I speak fast and flail my hands about a lot, but Rehana is very slow and steady. Rehana doesn’t speak much, unlike me; she doesn’t even blink as much as I do! So first, Saad identified the similarities between us and pointed out what changes I need to bring to my body language. He steered me through each step of the way, and eventually I was able to interpret Rehana well.
THE PARALLELS BETWEEN BADHON AND REHANA ACTUALLY RUN BOTH WAYS – THERE ARE SOME ASPECTS OF THE TITLE CHARACTER IS ACTUALLY BASED ON OR TAKEN FROM MY LIFE AND EXPERIENCES
I began to access experiences of my own life and draw from the emotions to appropriately portray Rehana Maryam Noor, a lady grappling with a corrupt system determined to serve her own brand of justice in a dark and devious world. It was an intense and turbulent emotional journey for me to play this part. I would often break down on set and have to take a time-out. We all carry scars that seem like they have healed but seemed like but in reality the wound still runs deep underneath.
With time, we all grow around the pain and forget about the burden we carry with us everyday. To play the role, I picked open all those scabs I’ve collected over the years living in this patriarchal society and tried to truly reach the core of Rehana – to really put myself in her shoes and become one with the character.
The parallels between Badhon and Rehana actually run both ways – there are some aspects of the title character is actually based on or taken from my life and experiences. For instance, Saad expanded the storyline with Rehana’s daughter after observing the relationship I had with mine, and all the things I had to juggle to manage work-life balance. Moreover, while the film was in production, the hurdles of regular life didn’t stop either.
In the midst of the intensity of shooting these emotionally draining scenes, I also had to deal with crises on the homefront, whether it be calls from my lawyer with bad news, or my driver reporting a flat tyre or a busted water tap at home. The most heartbreaking moments were when my daughter used to call, crying because she needed me to put her to bed, or because she just missed me so much. It got really stressful sometimes and there were many instances when I felt like I had reached my breaking point.
In a way, my personal struggles in life helped me play this role very well. I’m glad I kept going because the end result was worth it, both professionally and personally. It was a tough and traumatic journey, but it was exhilarating.
Can you tell us a bit about the impact this movie has had on you as a person?
This role has had an impact on me personally as well, starting from the way I carry myself to my level of confidence. Before I worked on RMN, I used to wear loud, chalky makeup and wigs trying to hide my dark complexion and lack of hair – even went to the gym with makeup on because I was so insecure about my looks! At the beginning I used to go to the set with makeup on and then remove it for the shoot.
For a director to cast me in a role which employs no use of make-up on screen was a bold decision. Saad didn’t make me ditch the makeup cold turkey because he understood that I felt vulnerable without it; he eased me into it and gradually I started wearing less and less of it – I didn’t even realize when I became so comfortable in my own skin!
The whole journey has been very therapeutic for me – it has helped me think deeply about all the choices I’ve made in the past thirty-four years and express myself better. So being a part of Rehana Maryam Noor was a really cathartic experience; I discovered a whole new version of myself.