By Mehrin Mubdi Chowdhury
We see our parents, friends and peers, settling down with their significant others for better or for worse, only to find ourselves asking, what is it that truly makes a happily ever after? In the spirit of marriage, we speak to actress Dilara Zaman, and model Safa Kabir to know their beliefs revolving love and togetherness. Has time really changed the meaning of relationship?
The idea of soulmates is a concept much discussed and dissected now. In a conversation with the Ekushey Padak recipient, actress Dilara Zaman, we gathered a great deal about love, marriage and the importance of family.
“Back in the day, we didn’t really make a big deal out of the term ‘soul mate’. Our parents would select someone for us and we hung onto them forever. We knew and believed that marriage was an eternal, everlasting bond and based on that belief that we respected and cherished our partners from the bottom of our hearts. Maybe that is what is meant to be – soul mates,” she shares.
The 73 year old veteran actress says that failed marriages used to be a rare, unheard phenomenon in her time. Divorces were unheard of and marriages usually ended till death did them apart. To that note, Dilara Zaman exclaimed “Nowadays both men and women find it difficult to invest in one another as they are occupied with their individual lives,” she shares remorsefully. “Once you are married, you need to work as a team with your partner and make life decisions together. One must put their ego aside in order to establish a happy marriage,” she said.
Considering the changing culture of the world, she had some pearls of wisdom. “Bengali culture is a gem; we are respected worldwide for our strong family bonds, credence and values. We must never forget our roots and strongly hold onto the belief that marriage is a beautiful bond to be respected, prioritised and nurtured rather than overlooked and kept aside for other worldly things in life,” she concludes.
By Farasha Sayeed
Model and actress Safa Kabir is always on her her toes when it comes to her career. Since she spends ample amount of time in front of the camera, we wonder whether she lets the thoughts of love and marriage cross her busy mind. “I often start working at 6 in the morning till late night, where does that leave time to maintain a relationship? When I do meet someone, I want our conversations to be deep and meaningful, and I should be able to share my most intimate thoughts,” she chuckles.
For Safa, a partner is more than just good looks, in fact, she says, “When it comes to physical appearances, I do not have any specific requirement. It is more important to me that my soulmate is my confidante; someone I can always turn to in times of need. Since I was a little girl, my father has lived abroad and being an only child I always felt lonely, despite living together with my cousins. Therefore, I have always yearned for a partner who will be by my side always.”
Although single, Safa’s wisdom shines through her thoughts. She feels that marriages need work and both partners should contribute equally in order to have a happy marriage. It does not necessitate over thinking but it does require effort and connection.
“I certainly want a memorable wedding, since it’s a special day in a girl’s life. In fact, my father wants me to have a grand deshi wedding at our hometown, where he will invite practically the entire village,” she exclaims.
While Safa’s mother and father urge her to have a love marriage instead of an arranged one, she, however, feels that she would be more comfortable being with someone her parents approve of, since they hold an important role in her life. “My partner should be like a son to my parents, not a son-in-law. “My parents feel that way since they themselves had a very formal, arranged marriage. Therefore, they want me to meet someone on my own. I am, however, open to both prospects. When I meet the one, I will know.”
On an end note she says that marriage is not for those who want to walk alone. She says, “It brings a lot of changes – which prior to being married might be hard to envision – since there is a gaping difference between being in a relationship versus being in a conjugal tie.”