I know what you are thinking. You are right, that one little thing does make a person a man in the biological sense. We are all thinking about the Y chromosome here, right? Now, for a long time, scientists dismissed the highly repetitive DNA in the male specific region of the Y chromosome as mostly non-functional. But when it was successfully sequenced in 2003, it turned out that the Y chromosome holds many mysteries. The biological basis of maleness is not as simple as previously believed.
This rings true beyond the scientific world where we often pigeonhole men and make gross generalisations about their behaviour. We all know these typical men in our social circles: the Robotic Robin, the Commitment-phobic Kamal, the Women-obsessed Shoumen, the Mommy’s boy Mamun or Workaholic Kollol. They personify certain myths about manhood that both men and, even, women succumb to. Let’s take this opportunity to examine some of them.
Robotic Robin
The man who has no feelings
A few months into their outwardly happy marriage, Robin’s wife left for her parents’ place. What went wrong? He does not talk to her, she complains. She misses the romance and expressiveness that preceded their marriage. She feels rejected by his apathy. Men and women often have quite different notions about romance. Sometimes these notions are influenced by popular culture. Women are conditioned to expect certain expressions of romance like flowers and special nights out. At the same time, men are expected to live up to the tough guy image. As a result, men may not feel free to reveal their emotional side. The traditional expressions of romance in the courtship days are a means to an end. Therefore, a man has no reason to keep them up once he is in a committed relationship with his beloved. Rather than feeling frustrated, women need to take the lead here. Encourage your man to emote without any negativity! You might be pleasantly surprised. You will be doing a favour for your man’s mental health as well.
Commitment-phobic Kamal
The man who won’t commit
Then we have Kamal, who is interested in getting to know women and spending time with them, but perhaps he has too many of them. Last month he was spotted sipping coffee with Kashfia around town. This month, it seems he is more into live music with Liva. Kamal seems to have no trouble finding interesting and attractive women, but he just won’t commit to one. Is there a problem? Are men really not as interested in making a commitment as women? Let’s think about this statistically, who are all the committed women committed to if men really don’t commit? What’s going on in here is the interplay of both gender stereotypes. Women may not admit to that fact that they are not quite interested to commit while men are rather open about it. In this case, women are trying to live up to the ‘virtuous’ stereotype. The same reasoning explains why women don’t like to admit how many relationships they have had. Men are not insecure about enjoying the company of women even if he has not found ‘the one.’ Once he does find her though, he gets serious very fast, according to some relationship experts. Watch out for our buddy Kamal … when he falls, he is going to fall deep!
Women-obsessed Shoumen
The man who can’t get enough
We’ve all heard of this pseudo-statistic that men think about sex every seven seconds. Sure, there may be some men who are like that … even if it was during a certain boyhood phase. According to some solid research done by the Kinsey Institute for Sexual Health and Behavior at the University of Iowa, 54% of men think about sex every day, 43% consider it several times a month or a few times a week. Some men, about 4% actually take a whole month between the times they think about it. There’s no reason to think all men are stuck at their twelve year old mentality. Let’s give men some credit for all the work they get done around the world. If they were truly obsessed with sex every waking hour, could they really concentrate on anything else? Research also tells us that women under-report their frequency of thoughts about sex which makes men look relatively more obsessed. Guess what else women don’t like to admit they think about? Food! We say things like “the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach,” but the truth is both men and women love a treat for their taste buds.
Workaholic Kollol
The man whose career is everything to him
Kollol wants to excel at his job. He wants to maximise his income potential so that he can take care of his family. Unfortunately, his wife feels that he is a workaholic who does not spend enough time with her or the children. We have to admit there is tremendous social pressure on men to be professionally successful. While this success empowers a man, the pressure can be unrelenting. Women clearly prefer men who are professionally successful, yet they complain when they realise that success comes at a cost. What can we do? Men can make an active effort to balance their lives. It isn’t impossible to go home on time, some nights of the week if you make it a priority. Women can help their men by encouraging him to keep his other interests alive. Now that women have their own careers as well, both men and women can appreciate the sacrifice it takes to work hard at the expense of leisure time.
Mommy’s boy Mamun
The man who can’t get over his mom
Mamun loves Mona and Mona loves him. However, Mona feels a little awkward by how frequently Mamun talks about his mom. She feels apprehensive about their future together and what role Mamun’s mother may play in it. She wonders if she’s been handed one of those infamous mommy’s boys. The mommy’s boy stereotype has been around for a long time. There’s a historical basis for it. In the past, women often did not have an equal partnership with their husbands. Lack of social and economic rights meant women often fulfilled their desire to be someone in the extended family and society through their sons. Their sons were the connection to the outer world, vicariously bringing them a taste of educational and professional success. Strong and healthy relationship with their mothers actually helps a man love and respect all women in his life. A mommy’s boy does not mean an emasculated man with a domineering mother. It might just mean a man who is cherished by his mother and vice-versa. How many men today really expect their wives to recreate their moms’ winning recipes? How many men ask their mother’s permission before planning a vacation with their wives? Let’s give credit to the modern man who can stay loyal to his mom and lavish his wife. He may be his mommy’s boy, but he is your man too.